So….. due to several things happening to me recently…. I have decided to make a few changes in my life. Nothing major…. but some necessary adjustments. I absolutely bleddy love the life I’ve got now… which will never be perfect (repeat that there’s no such thing as perfection) but it’s [almost] as good as it gets.
Our lives evolve through all sorts of events, many that we have no control over, lots of our own choices and some by the influence of others. One thing I’ve learnt is (repeat) ‘To change things in our lives, we must change things in our lives’ … it’s been a mantra of mine for a decade or so. And I believe it. I can never ‘do’ same old same old. It’s not in my nature. My life is personal to me…. no other bugger walks in my shoes…. or pays my b’stard bills. So it’s up to me. And to quote the cliche… I did it my way. We all do.
We can have similar opinions on things… as well as vehemently opposed ones. We can agree to disagree. We are all unique. Some more fecking ‘unique’ than others 🤣
So the changes I’ve been making are about me of course. One is cutting down on the booze! Shock horror 😳… we know it’s not great to over indulge… but we do. I fucking did recently, and disgraced myself…. at one of my buddy’s celebrated soirées, I drank too much, ate too little and sweltered in the sunshine. Not a great mix. Result? In the end, whilst clearing up, I fell down completely arseholed. Unfortunately, being the hefty old maid I am, my buddy couldn’t get me up. And having back, strength and coordination issues, and basically being completely lashed..I was screwed. It took me fecking ages to get up, scraped my knees, hurt my toe and was in a total mess. The upside was that being so bleddy drunk I didn’t do any other damage. Not how a 69 year old woman should behave. I was fucking mortified and ashamed. And it was very sobering. So I resolved to change. It’s actually not been that bad, yes I’ve had the odd drink…, but the memory of being a total twat is still fresh in my mind…. the great thing is I feel a whole bunch better. And I damn well like that. And it’s cheaper. Down side is, I’ve developed a sweet tooth. Hey ho swings and roundabouts… I’ll deal with that another day.
But the biggest change I’m currently making is withdrawing from social media…. hell fire!! That’s a big deal too. But this is one I’ve been contemplating for some time. It’s been a great help to me in the past, and have made a lot of new friends in my new and improved life. But it’s become a habit. Spending time on it was a big part of my everyday life. But since I came to live in Paradise, I have become increasingly part of the real world. And I love it …. I feel like an individual again. Not one of a huge crowd. (I actually don’t like crowds!) I have learnt I’m happy in my own company. I’m happy to be me. Social media helped with that …. but now (at fucking last) I can stand on my own two feet. And I’ve found (as with my last rant) that the balance between the positives and negatives on social media are changing …. in a way I don’t like. So that’s why I’m taking a break.. how long for I don’t know. Because basically I am a curious person. That’s one way of putting it eh??
I like to see what friends are up to. But I don’t like the negativity, intolerance, bigotry, politics etc., and have spent endless time hiding posts, snoozing people, deleting irrelevant advertisements (money money money for good old Facebook) as well as ‘unfriending’ those who don’t interact, or put up stuff I find offensive. So I asked myself “why are you wasting good time doing all of that?” The answers I gave myself were mixed. But on balance it was a negative result. There was more I disliked than liked! So it was ripe for a change.
But like the booze situation, I can’t stop just like that … I need to ease my way out of it. Same when I gave up smoking … I kept a packet of fags in the drawer …. just in case. And I did have the odd puff over the first few months. Tasted like shit each time. So I gave up! When I lost over three stone in weight … there was always the bag of crisps and chocolate biscuits to resort to in an emergency. I am fortunate to be one of those people that when I make my mind up to do something …. then I’ll bleddy do it! And accept it’s never easy, but if I fail one day, I can start again the next! Life isn’t an easy option… and it never stays the same …. you just have to learn to roll with it.
So to withdraw from social media, I had to build up that resolve. First I used the screen time app, to see just how much time I spent on my phone (and other devices) … that was a fucking shocker… it was almost like a full time job! Admittedly a lot of the time was for blogging and writing … but a shitload more on chuffing Facebook!! So I reduced my time by over a half … using it mainly in the morning and evening, and the random few minutes in the day. This is when I realised that I spent more time getting rid of stuff than enjoying the content I was looking for! WTF?? Stuff I posted up was mostly sodding drivel…. as that’s what I write. Photos of Paradise… widely appreciated…. but repetitive nonetheless. Occasionally commenting on others etc….
So hence I decided to really withdraw … so I let people know… (and was humbled by the nice comments) … so they didn’t think I’d popped my clogs, entered a monastery or completely gone gaga (that could still happen) … so I did some research. I didn’t really want to delete my whole account …. as there’s some stuff ‘attached’ to it …. like photos, blogs and memories… so found I could deactivate it temporarily. Ideal I thought…. then there’s a hechnical titch! I couldn’t post anything to my Facebook blog page …. ffs. I didn’t want to leave my ‘followers’ in the lurch…. as I’ve gained a few now…. and although they are gradually finding my barbarabear.com page .., they’ve not all found and followed it yet.
Then the fucking lightbulb moment. Following another mantra…. keep it simples! …. the solution. Just log out of the bleddy thing. People will still know I’m around … just not saying/doing anything… it’ll give me a breathing space… until I decide whether to deactivate…. (makes me sound like a bleddy Dalek ‘deactivate deactivate’ …. silly me)
Anyway I’m temporarily away from being sucked into to virtual world…. how I’ll cope is a bleddy mystery … but there’s only one fecking way to find out eh??
Here goes bugger all…. I’m off to the real world.