Bollocksyarseday

We all get ’em…. days that just don’t tie up …. a got out of the wrong side of the bed sort of day. The kind of day you want to wrap yourself up in a blankie, watch shite on tv, eat rubbish and drink yourself into oblivion. But my fdcking budget, and pooch that demands food and exercise, means that wasn’t going to bleddy happen.

So for me the damned day just got progressively worse. No matter what I fdcking touched didn’t cooperate… I was definitely in the wrong place, at the wrong time, with the wrong ‘stuff’ and the wrong people. Actually maybe not the people, as I hid myself away …. it’s enough for me to be a screaming point, without taking any other poor sod with me …

Yet somehow I survived the shite day … with no idea how… as I was so frcking tired, I could have slept upright on a sodding tightrope. Not a bleddy clue as to why I was so exhausted…. as I did fdck all!

I was shown this word the other day …. fits the bill perfectly!!

I suppose I could blame the alcohol I had the night before …. but I’m pretty sure that (in my case anyway) two medium glasses of wine after my dinner, wouldn’t class as a bleddy hangover. I don’t take any medication with ‘drowsy’ side effects. I like my life in general. And I fdcking LOVE where I live. So what the fuck was yesterday all about??

The only things I can pinpoint with some accuracy (and it pains me to say it again) is old age. What a sneaky b’stard this is. It creeps up like a stealthy tartan felt slipper with a zip and pompom on the front [those of a ‘certain age’ will understand]…. Oh and I know I am repeating myself … but this shit never fails to surprise me …. with the sudden and devious appearance in my normally quiet existence! I hadn’t exerted myself unnecessarily, got too much fresh air (yea really …. that was suggested!) or any other blasted reason for the tiredness or severely grumpy mood. So the only fucker to blame is Old Age. What kind of fecking sorcery does Mother Nature hold over us?? I am generally in awe of her …. there is so much beauty around in our world …. and every so often she blasts off on a sodding rampage and destroys swathes of our world with natural disasters!

Oh! The bleddy penny has dropped!!!

She’s a woman …. and OLD woman!! After all, she’s been around since time immemorial, she must have days when she’s pissed right off as well!! Duh…..

I try not to dwell on these days as anything other than something I have to deal with … without overthinking it. Though in the past I have to admit I’ve tried … and never found the answer. So guess I’ll just have to put up with the side effects of this ageing process, courtesy of Mother Nature.

It’s a b’stard… but at least the fdcking dog found the answer to the day after all!!

Backbone or Wishbone? Or both?

A lovely gentleman I know, has found a new happiness in his senior years. After working fdcking hard for 55 years, and finally selling up his successful business, he has ‘retired’ to his dream home… and also found a new lady to share it with. That sounds superbly lucky. But I know it wasn’t all plain sailing for him. He has suffered many setbacks, illness and tragedy. Today he is counting his blessings …. and now, on social media, used the expression

Thats what 55 years hard work gets you… The backbone is much more effective than the wish bone.

Now, whilst I appreciated the sentiment, for some niggling reason, I had to have a bleddy ponder over it…

Funnily enough, I was reminded of something my father used to say, with a similar meaning … though not so polite … his version was “Wish in one hand, and shit in the other…. then see which hand gets full first”… (you can see where I get ‘it’ from now eh?)

For those that can’t ‘get’ what we are driving at… it basically means you got to get off your arse and work for what you want. You’ve got to put your back, heart and soul into it. You can’t wish to fulfil your dreams. Or can you??

Now … the reason I needed to ponder, was the fact that my immediate reaction to my friends post, was to respond ‘well… it works for some’ …. I was tempted to write it too… but decided that seemed like a bit of jealousy on my part … and I had no right to spoil the pride he is revealing in the fruits of his labour…

…. and yep… there is jealousy on my part …. how lovely to see what you have worked for come to a ‘successful fruition’…. but to me (and only in my opinion of course!) his statement is a bit of a generalisation…. I worked fucking hard for my 55 years too…. but never got the rewards that he is now enjoying…..

So what made the difference? I suppose I have to say, much against the grain, that because I was a woman. I spent decades bringing up a family …. but I also worked full time whilst doing that! (Ffs that’s two full time jobs being done at the same time!!) I did suffer inequalities in the workplace…. being turned down for jobs because I was a woman (and mother!). It was before the equality stuff came in obviously… but even after, when I became an employer, I knew first hand there were devious ways around that shit! I still don’t think it’s easy for any woman to get into decent jobs… without working twice as hard as most men … *waits for the arrows of outraged testosterone to be lobbed in my direction*…

It was difficult to make my way into responsible jobs… because I only had my organisational skills, and no qualifications, as had to leave school at 15 to contribute to the family coffers. But then so did my male friend. So can’t really use that as an ‘argument’.

I didn’t do too bad when I was married… at one time I earned more than my first husband… let me tell you …. he didn’t fdcking like it either! That was a big factor in beginning of the end of the 17 years of marital bliss…. *she coughs* ..,

The second go at marriage saw a business built to a successful level … people told me how lucky I was and enjoyed the fruits of that labour… with me always saying that “it’s funny that the harder you work, the luckier you get’…. until my usefulness had expired after 23 years… in both business and personal life. Hmmm.

From here my ‘fortunes’ took a downward spiral. In wonderful ‘hindsight’ … I made fuckkng stupid choices and decisions… but don’t we all?? I’ve just about stopped blaming myself … as there certainly were extenuating circumstances in much of what I did.

But seeing my friends comment, it rather rubbed salt into my healing wounds. It fucking stung for a little while too…. then I took a reality check. Yes…I worked bleddy hard …. and No, I don’t have that financial security, or the material lifestyle it buys….

What I do have is peace of mind…. that I did just about everything I could have. I had my own setbacks, illnesses and tragedy. My route has been very different… that’s all.

But I now I reckon I did have a backbone and a wishbone. My backbone gave me the tenacity to hang on in there. My wishbone gave me the dream to be chuffing happy at the end of the day…, regardless of all the shit thrown my way.

It’s all about perceptions of where you are in life. What you see in others, may not be all you see. You have no idea of the cost of getting there…. and that’s different for everyone! We all get broken at times, and we often have our dreams…. we must all have a backbone and a wishbone.

The only big difference between my friend and I, is that he has someone to share it with … oh hang on… isn’t that what my pooch is for? And she probably is a lot cheaper to keep than a man. In the past, they have proved to be a luxury I can’t bleddy afford!!

There’s always a bleddy price to pay …

  • And I’m not talking about the current shambles of Brexshit… but the price of making life choices in general … there really isn’t any such thing as a free lunch… there is always some chuffing price to pay… such is the paradox of life itself. There is good and bad in every thing we choose in life. As always I say it’s about finding the balance.
  • I live in the land of pasties and cream teas (jam first!). Food is rich (and fattening) in most cases. We love our comfort food … and historically it was needed…. being (in the main) farmers, fishermen and miners …. hard physical work (including the women) … and therefore the Cornish were all of a sturdy and stocky nature.
  • Nowadays, work often is less strenuous, but we still love our food … so a few of us *cough* are carrying a few extra pounds… a price to pay. But can’t blame it all on our county delicacies… the influx of ‘outsiders’ bring with them the need for other fast, ‘junk’ food …. (I bet a few buggers will be offended being called that…. but find me another bleddy word for it! Oh yea ….emmets!) . Not always satisfied with our own ‘fast’ food of pasties and proper fish and chips… and now we’ve all taken on board burgers, pizza, Chinese and Indian takeaways. The price we are all now paying for all this deliciousness is obesity. Bugger.
  • And with the impending surge in our population, due to tourists from all over the world, eating al fresco means the return of the scavenging sodding sky rats. (Seagulls to everyone else) many holidaymakers think it’s great fun to throw food to the feathered feckers… and the complain when a bleddy mini albatross frightens the shit out of their offspring, whilst nicking their chips or ice cream …. and let me tell you, it’s no fecking joke when their resulting shit hits your head, back and ruins your sodding day .. let alone your best angora cardie you bought especially to go on holiday, and stay warm enough to eat your chosen supper on the beach/prom/pier. Such is the price you should be prepared to pay.
  • Now don’t get me wrong…. before some bugger gets the feckkng hump … we know that tourism plays a big part of our economy …. but it would be nice to have a bit of respect for the place people are ticking off their bucket list. Regular visitors are usually empathetic with our beautiful Duchy…. but a fair old few couldn’t really give a shit … and lob their crappy rubbish into lay bys , leave it on beaches and cliff tops, and even chuck it over our garden walls. That’s not unique to their holiday I’m sure… bet they do the same anywhere. Inconsiderate twats.
  • It’s a price we have to pay … along with expensive property that locals can’t afford… as ironically we are one of the poorest places in the country …. It’s because we are one of the most beautiful, and sought after places for people to have holiday homes … another sodding price to pay … or not.. if you’re Cornish and live here, and want a home.

    But despite all the downsides …. I’m more than fecking happy to pay the price to see this several times a day …. my Paradise … I’ve found my balance…. I’m one of the lucky buggers.

    Filosophy is fecking fun [for beginners]

    Socrates…. that’s him there, the Ancient Greek hipster type …. one of the earliest of the ‘big guns’ in Greek Philosophers …. didn’t write anything down apparently …. it was his big fan Plato who started to get this philosophical shit down on papyrus… along with his mate Aristotle. Now, what I didn’t know was that Pythagoras was also one of the happy band of Ancient Thinkers… yep, him of the sum of the angles and hypotenuse jobbie… apparently he was a bit of everything … a Pythag of All Trades so to speak. But what a great bunch of bleddy blokes they were. Clever beyond belief. No fucking education … but lived to ripe old ages without doing a fecking stitch of real work! (Apart from one twat, who thought he was immortal, and chucked himself into a volcano)…

    So the first Academy to learn proper shit, was set up donkeys years before we had the tip over between BC and AC… this is where a bit of trouble began I reckon. Because other people [Romans] started to get smart and think for themselves too… And their ideas of what we (as humans, not Greek Gods) are supposed to do with ourselves, started to spill over into other areas. ( I blame that bugger Pythagoras)…. it even got into politics … can you see where I’m going yet??

    Anyway, these Ancient Thinkers still managed to hold onto the general building blocks of their philosophies for a few centuries… long after they kicked their respective buckets. Then along came them there Modern Philosophers … armed with science, mathematics, and the ever progressive medieval technologies. I think it was those buggers that ‘invented’ realism and idealism. As I understand it, it was at this point those buggers took up where those ancient geezers left off, and really started arguing the case for our very bleddy existence… are we really here? Or not? Are we form or matter?

    The more ‘educated’ people got, the more other problems crept in. Not happy with their ‘positions’ in life, more and more bleddy peasants got ideas above their fdcking station. Wars started to become commonplace over any bleddy thing. Forget just survival … sodding principles kicked in.

    Then some fucker started talking about ‘materialism‘…. As if there wasn’t enough shit going on….

    I haven’t explored much of the newer Philosophers yet … but I’m sure it’ll open another bleddy Pandora’s Box of Mad Frogs…. we are our own worst enemies … we should just talk … like Socrates… don’t write anything down… then no evidence to be held against us.

    Well I’ve broken that fecking rule eh?

    My philosophy? Do what you want. Be happy. Fuck everyone else. Anarchy didn’t work … and as for democracy?? Well it’s pretty fdcking damaged at the moment. And the fuckers that rule our world are classed as ‘educated‘…. so we can blame them for the shit we are in.

    Or you can blame Socrates instead… up to you, you have the choices.

    *Trundles back into her cave to read more fun stuff*

    Not the 6 o’clock News

    Image result for bear looking in window

    So what have I gleaned this week, by means of passive listening to the radio and TV, and what’s posted on social media??

     

    The Brexshit Bandwagon rolls on….  More waste of time votes, because it seems if the vote goes against expectation, then democracy isn’t working? WTF does that mean?? Shockingly, educated and intellectual people are getting overheated and vitriolic everywhere, all depending on which side of the ever growing amount of political fences you sit on…. Though I think the ‘best’  bleddy thing I saw was some woman saying that “Deal or no deal, it will be bad for dieters”….  Yep …. I’m sure that sodding well sums it up! And did Trump sulk, because our PM didn’t listen to him?? Well if that’s right, at least she hasn’t made things even worse than they already are!

     

    All of this political crap whilst absolutely awful shit was happening out in the ‘real’ world…. A plane crashes killing everyone… it grounds a fleet of airplanes, as they investigate the ‘rogue’ mechanical fault. Oh hang on a minute…. This bit of random kit  suddenly developed a personality all of its own, and performed a ‘death wish’? In my ‘umble opinion, some technical wizards invented said kit, technical engineers etc., are employed to look after that said kit, and ensure it’s airworthiness, therefore, by any rational deduction, it surely has to be a human failure ….

     

    Then a mass shooting in New Zealand, horrendous deliberate carnage…. And many people are blamingmental health issuesfor the slaughter. This makes my bleddy blood boil…. It’s offensive to people who are struggling just to function each day through anxiety, stress and depression. Sure, the guy was MENTALLY TWISTED …. not sodding wired up right, but mental health should never be used in this context. History is littered with megalomaniacs who think they are more powerful and worthy of recognition, and went on to commit acts of atrocity…. These b’stards were never suffering what is regarded as mental health nowadays…. The tortured people who are suffering severe depression, are more likely to take their own lives than that of others. LIke the young reality show celeb who hung himself…. (And the three local ‘ordinary’ young people who died by their own hand)  I’m sure their parents would be fucking horrified to think that their beloved child is classed as the same as the fucking b’strd that shot all those innocent people…. And then comes another shooting incident in Utrecht…. If these mentally twisted b’stards want to cause harm….they will….and it’s everywhere and anywhere …. How sad…..

     

    In other news, we had Red Nose Day…more plastic to add to the shitloads we can’t get rid of now… a young 15 year old Swedish girl has managed to get her voice heard over other eco campaigners… clever girl, or as I am such a cynic, clever promotion…. People complained about children having a ‘day off’ school, to campaign for their future environment. Where’s the bleddy harm in that? Missing out on a days education? Well as far as I am concerned, the educated society that runs our country, doesn’t fill me with great expectation….. Best these kids get some practical stuff in their heads to make sure they have a bleddy future worth having….

     

    On the sports front, we had a Grand Slam in the 6 Nations Rugby, a brutal, entertaining tournament, where every team had the same opportunities, and the best team won. A lesson there methinks. A woman won a ‘grade one’ race over the jumps at Cheltenham… first time it has happened…. all through sheer hard work and focussed determination… another lesson? Then the Formula One season began… the biggest money [play] pit for all the rich people in the world… ‘a showcase for innovation and technology’ apparently… yea right… Billions of dollars being used to highlight the haves and have nots. Doesn’t stop me from bleddy loving it though… I ain’t perfect….. So what else?

     

    I heard the new T.O.W.I.E isn’t great with the new younger participants… exciting huh? We had St Patricks Day…. when it seems most of the population of England suddenly became Oirish… or was it just an excuse to have a glorious piss up on the black stuff?? The new film about our lovely Fishermen’s Friends was released… and now I expect every other fucker will be singing sea shanties in a crap Cornish accent…. And apparently (according to ‘fans’) the best thing ever on tv this year is Mary Berry being given a drum lesson by Rick Astley…. Proof (if required) that he is ‘never gonna to give [you] up’….

     

    …. And I have to admit that I stopped wrestling with the bleddy printer cartridges last evening, (whilst waiting for my Emmerdale Comedy Show fix!)…  to watch the news article about the dreadful natural disaster unfolding in east Africa….the report showed a snapshot of the humanitarian cost…. then promptly went into a much deeper report on climate change. Almost dismissing those poor people as ‘natural wastage’…. Where is this on social media?? Instead we get coverage of Carol Vordeman’s ‘remodelled arse… and there’s plenty of bleddy coverage to be done on it! What the fuck has happened to our priorities??

     

    I’m done here… I’ll get me fecking coat…

    Rebuilding your life… or ending it?

    I’m sure, that as a new week starts, there are thousands of people starting out on a journey to rebuild their lives. The reasons will all be different and unique to themselves. The challenges they are facing will sometimes seem impossible. Quite a few will sadly not make it …. feeling the task they face too big to be worth the effort. My heart breaks for them. As in the news recently …. famous people who seem to have it all… unknown people who have virtually nothing. The thoughts that drive them to take their own lives, will never really be known. Unless someone can fit us with the equivalent of a black box in our minds… the truths will never be told.

    My life has been a car crash. Twice I stepped away from finishing it all. Admittedly it was decades ago …. but it’s still as fresh in my head as it was on those two dark days. I purposely keep those memories fresh… as I NEVER want to go there ever again.

    I rebuilt my life…. baby step by baby step. I fell over a lot …. sometimes on my face …. sometimes on my arse. But accepting a little help from others, I got up again and kept making little steps forward.

    Not always in the right direction!

    I made more mistakes on the way. I somehow managed to rise above them, by trying to learning from them.

    We are never too old to learn. We should never be too proud to accept help when offered. We should NEVER give up.

    Two years ago to the day, I felt despair, I was in limbo land, homeless, facing bankruptcy and relying on the generosity of friends. A failure in my own eyes. Self esteem was at an all time low. All this following a five year period of trying to find my own way, after a bitter split from a 23 year marriage. Where I lost family and friends, my livelihood and all the trappings of a ‘successful’ life… nothing boded well.

    But two years on, with lots of adjustments, learning for past lessons of what didn’t work for me, I got through.

    My life now has transformed…. I really am happy …. it’s not always how others would like to see me … but I have to do what’s best for me!

    I only hope that those who are setting out on a new life path this morning, will find their Paradise. It will never be perfect. Just by making small adjustments, life will be worth living.

    We all have to face our demons alone… despite being surrounded by people who love us. I make no apologies if, at times, I act as though I don’t need anyone. Because I have to be enough for me..

    Two years ago no one knew how close I came to thinking nothing was worth it. But my own past life lessons kept me safe. Despite not knowing how I’d get through.

    If you’re struggling … hang on in there! Make small adjustments… don’t try and change your world in one go. Accept help, but only if it feels ‘right’ for you. Baby steps all the way.

    Do it for yourself. Because you ARE worth it.

    Splitting infinitives… and hairs!

    A friend sent me this meme thingy. I thought it hilarious … as the more I dive into the literary domain… the more I realise that my grammar is really and truly fucked.

    But I don’t give a gnats fart!!

    I have been ‘corrected’ so many times, that I now have a Criminal Record in the eyes of the Grammar Police. But it amuses me endlessly. I wonder what would actually happen if everyone practiced all the nuances of the English language??

    I have English teachers among(st?) my friends. I have never been aware of their perfection in mastering the tongue which which we communicate (get me!) They are definitely more eloquent than me ‘umble self.. (doffs me cap at them who is cleverer than me) …. and if I spoke like that … well people would worry that the fdcking aliens had been and taken me over!

    I am proud to have a Cornish accent, and even prouder to use the quirky dialect that we own. I can never emulate the plummy intonations of my ‘superiors’ … (or so they fucking think). I have to admit that in the past I have often adopted a posher voice to impress. Complete and utter waste of sodding time in hindsight, as fortunately nowadays it’s more acceptable to have a regional identity. I’ve definitely got a telephone voice… as sometimes needs must to allow others to understand me a bit better.

    But Grammar…. give me a bleddy break!

    Who the hell made up this shite anyway!? Who ever passed these laws??

    I almost went into an hysterical nose dive this morning … through the vagaries of how my bleddy head works.. here’s how it goes….

    I am currently reading a book written by Bertrand Russell… (to be always known as Branston Russell on my head) after he came up on my list … I was, at the time, reminded that my mother held him in some regard so thought I’d give him a go so to speak. Now I’ve learnt a bit about realism and idealism. I understood the principles. And let me tell you that I was fucking chuffed with myself…. anyways (!) this got me thinking again, about others that my mother talked about.

    So … a little dalliance from the philosophical spectrum, led me into politics. She loved Lord Boothby…. so I had a quick Wiki wander. Bugger me …. we think this fucking shambles of political numpties we are dealing with at the moment are ‘speshul’?? It’s only the wonders of modern communications that highlight the shortcomings of our current political system .. scandals and corruption has always been fuckkng rife…. anyway the reason for my mornings histrionic interlude… was the description of the somewhat colourful Lord… by the late Queen Mother..

    “He was s bounder, but not a cad”

    WTF is the difference?? There must only be a fento hairs breadth in those two words ….. (Fento as in ‘quadrillionth’ NOT multi personality psycho… no negative aspersions being cast on our beloved, long gone Queenie)

    So, there was me being a teensy weensy concerned that my lack of intelligence/education might show my ignorant arse up again to the Grammar Police… what the fuck for??

    If our ‘Queens English’ Royalty can split definitions, then I feel I can split whatever fucking infinitives I like!!

    So there…..