The end of another year….. But more importantly, the end of another decade…. bleddy hell…. that 10 years went quick enough. Though in all fairness, at times I thought the bugger was dragging it’s feet and would never end!
That decade, from the minute I decided to put an end to the shit charade I was trapped in, to where I am at this very moment, has to be one of the worst ….. and the very best of my life! I don’t think I have an emotion left that hasn’t been put through the fecking wringer…. but I am very proud to say I have bleddy made it through to the ‘other side’…. my previous lives have (at last) been well and truly consigned to the memory bank of life. They will never be forgotten, as they have shaped who I have become….
…… A survivor!! Anyone can change anything if they have a good enough reason, and fire and fight in their belly…. it will never be easy, and there is not necessarily the right time…. it will be a point of time when it’s a necessity for survival and peace of mind.
I charted my own journey…. and trust me that was the best thing I have ever done. Though I still fecking cringe at some of the stuff a 60+ year old woman should have known better than to do…. but NO regrets…. what’s done is done….
I always said that there will be no ‘what ifs’ …. but I’ve learnt that’s chuffing crap…. there will always be ‘what ifs’….. I did almost everything by justifying them by what if I didn’t at least try. I now ask myself what if I didn’t actually do those things…. so bugger that saying…. it’s just another paradox of life, a perception and justification. We are always looking for answers and reasons… that’s just human nature… (See what I did there?? It’s just another fecking justification….!!)
So that decade is done…. we are heading into the 2020’s….being old, this seems like a futuristic sort of date. As my parents were born before the Roaring 1920’s…. in fact several of my aunts I grew up with, were born in the late 1890’s. Bugger me … that makes me feel bleddy old, if not ancient!!
2019 has been quite good generally speaking. The year has had a few lumpy bits, mostly down to financial issues caused by overstretching myself and unexpected expenses… but hey ho it’s done innit! I shall call it my Year of Acceptance. I have accepted the responsibility for all my own decisions and actions…. and I accept that there is bugger all I can do about any of it.
I have just turned 70 fecking years old…. and I haven’t a sodding clue where that time actually went! I ‘celebrated’ exactly how I wanted. In fact since the middle of this year I have lived my life the way I have wanted! If it hasn’t suited others, then that’s their problem and not mine…. doing this has actually improved my well being by massive proportions. I love my simple and easy life…. some will probably say lazy…. but I don’t give a flying fuck. Nobody else shares my life, or pay my bills…. so no-one is entitled to judge how I live! That’s probably been the biggest lesson I’ve learnt…. self care (not selfishness) makes for a much happier and peaceful life!
My pooch is my next priority… as she’s my soulmate. She maybe a dumbfucker Beagley…. but she’s my dumbfucker Beagley….she’s not perfect, she’s stubborn and can be a pain in the arse when she doesn’t want to do something, she has cost me many a sleepless night with unexpected vet bills… but I wouldn’t change her for the world! I’m just glad she can’t talk….as she know ALL my innermost secrets! There isn’t a single person alive who knows me better than her….
So this bleddy awkward, somewhat eccentric, potty mouthed, living, breathing, creaking, porky, silly bugger heads into 2020 with hopes of consolidation of all the things I have in my life. Many lessons have been learnt to get where I am now… a few things are missing maybe… but life is never bleddy perfect. I am content enough…. and now I can hopefully start to reap the benefits and have a bit more fun, by not pushing my finances to secure the garden with a Stalag style fence to keep the canine Houdini in…. and going on a special birthday cruise…. and vet bills (though that’s not boding well at the minute… hey ho)…. but a bit more fun I shall have!
So bring on the Rollicking 20’s…. and bugger anything (or anyone) that doesn’t fit in my life as it is now… simple, happy and peaceful!
I wish my follower a fantastic and fabulously Happy New Year!
Much loves xxx