It’s been a long bleddy time coming as well…. but at fecking last it’s here….
Time to leave some substantial baggage behind and melt more into my current very happy life…. my bear persona is still tucked away nicely into the depths of my bear cave… but I’m only keeping the nice bits….the hurty bits are now consigned to the life’s shit heap… I have no need to refer to them anymore, no need to remind myself not to make those mistakes again. So I have ‘adopted’ the name I’m known by the ‘locals’ here in my new life …. and one thing I enjoy doing… blogging …. to share some of my random ponderings on life. Hence my new page name. All about her and me…. and my thoughts gathered in Paradise.
Ever since I embarked on the road of looking at what I didn’t want, things have become a bleddy sight easier. It’s not rocket science either … it’s just been a matter of taking the time to know myself… It’s not about what others think they know about me… and sure as hell not about worrying what others think about me. It’s not exactly been hard to let things go that haven’t added to my life …. as most of them never really served a purpose. The hardest thing has been taking the time to identify them.
Time. That thing you can’t touch, smell, taste or hear. But is an incredibly important part of our lives…. and not always used wisely. But I have learnt that my time to have as happy a life as I can, is getting shorter… that pretty fucking scary! And I’m buggered if I’m going to waste it doing stuff that means something to others, but very little to me in the grand scheme of things.
What I mean is like buying the latest fashion/gadget/car (or any consumer item). Rarely does that happy feeling last longer than it takes for the thing to go out of fashion, the gadget to be upgraded, the car to get its first problem…. By the same token, its a great feeling to do something for someone else … but it’s not long before another person needs something from you … and in the meantime you’ve done bugger all for yourself.
So I’ve learnt to say no…. and become my own best friend. Best decision ever! I’m the only one who can really make a difference to myself. Others can enhance it for sure… but I have to be in control of my life … and for decades others pulled my strings…. and although I cut those strings a long time ago, the bruises and lesions they caused were pretty bleddy painful… but not anymore. Hoobleddyrah!!
I am not denying my past… it has defined me…. and there are a lot of positives, some negatives and a few what the fuck just happened? moments that can never be undone. But I can take the best with me and leave the rest to compost away in the shit heap.
I don’t have everything I want in life …. but I do have everything I need…. I have learnt that [in my case] need has to come before want. Not got a spare penny to scratch my saggy old arse with anyway. But my pooch and I don’t go without. I make us the priority….. this is where it counts more than all money in a bank. (There’s another blog brewing on that… look out Barbara Beagle is about)… but this one is about my big step away from the past … and a few poochy steps into a much happier future.
Anyone can do it …. if they take that time to know themselves.
Much loves to you all… as much loves as I award myself….
Smiling as I move on in my Paradise, with happy memories, good friends and family and the knowledge that I can be as happy as my pooch under my duvet