Plans, perceptions and paradoxes

Didn’t intend to write anything today, as I had ‘planned’ to have a long walk, followed by coffee, then get out the ladder [I borrowed] and give my rampant privet hedge a bit of a trim…. well that’s all gone off into the fecking fog/sea mist that’s descended on my Paradise…. can’t see my sodding arm behind my back, and everything is bleddy soaking…… but that’s one of the hazards of living where I do…. and I’ll be honest it’s a very, very small price to pay….

But I did think that at least I’ll get my walk, gather me thoughts…. and  listen to the sea if nothing else…. but nope…. the pooch took some coaxing just to get out the bleddy door! It was all I could do to drag her out onto Sunny (Ha!) Corner Lane…. once there, then she towed me around the shortest route possible…. and back indoors before I could finish me first sucky sweet! Now some would say that I should have made her walk where wanted to go…. but they don’t have a stubborn beagley…. that can be like having two bags of cement on the end of a piece of string, especially when they are determined to have their way…. and I refuse to have arms like a bleddy Orangutan to prove my ownership. As I have said before…. you have to be a speshul kind of stooopid to own one of these adorable mutts……


And as for cutting the hedge…. I couldn’t even see the top of the bleddy thing, which was dripping big drops over me morning coiffure…… and thought that having an electric hedge trimmer operating in those sort of conditions, wasn’t the recommended way to do it anyway…… so Plan A was aborted….

I didn’t have a Plan B…. now I’m winging the rest of the day…. so laundry, empty the dishwasher, shove the vacuum around to get up all the dogs fur that sticks to every fecking thing except her …. bleddy exciting eh? But at least the mundane chore meant I could still continue gathering my thoughts…. and before I started to chart those thoughts…. I thought I’d have a nice cup of caffeine with one of my fave treats… dunking ginger nuts yummy….. well that didn’t go particularly well either…. one of the bleddy delights broke and fell back into my coffee…. splashed the contents over my nice clean cream coloured top…. Considering I usually wear black, it was possibly [yet] another lesson to learn…. stick with what you know best…. Though in all fairness… I wear my fecking food a lot nowadays…. regardless of the colour …. hmmm. Of course the sodding biscuit disintegrated in my mug… so ended up drinking ginger coffee soup…. I’m of the waste not want not brigade….. but hey ho…. they’d mix up anyway….

So here I am writing down my thoughts…..that I hadn’t originally planned….

I had almost a week away from social media… I did post up my intention to do so, some folk commented…..a few other people noticed I’d ‘gone’ and enquired if I was ok…. but most wouldn’t have given a shit, as some gather friends as some sort of measure of how popular they are, (though in truth I don’t have many of those anymore) or just use it very occasionally to see what folk are up to, or get in touch with others. Nothing more than I expected…..

I took a break for a couple of reasons….. one because I was getting pissed off with the soapboxes that some friends were on…. and I had no intention of blocking, snoozing or unfriending them, because most of the time, the things they posted were social…. interesting, or informative in many ways. The other reason was to actually give myself an opportunity to look at the psychological side of social media. Now this was quite a diversion for me, as I like the philosophical aspect …. the unproven, fanciful side of life…. rather than the factual side….

So what I found was that I firmly believe that social media can be an addiction for many people…. they live their lives through social media…. rather than using it as a tool or means to be socially aware and informed. Because I found the first few days of no virtual contact somewhat concerning….. I got itchy bleddy fingers…. my head filled with all sorts of sodding scenarios about what what happening online… day 4, I found myself immersed in the real world, with visitors and other everyday activities, and only had a few passing thoughts on social media…. I talked to people about this modern day development. It’s not going to go away, that’s for sure, and I think it’ll be some time before it levels out….. that wont happen until the ‘younger’ (under 40’s in my book) generation realise that the real world is where we actually have to bleddy live. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram etc. will not pay the bills for the majority of us…. the internet cannot provide a living for most of the demands on a workforce…. and not everything we read is true….. We still need physical assistance to live…. the balance is a bit unequal in my eyes… and this is only my opinion…… and I’m fucking allowed one!

Despite being told my opinions are stupid…. as I don’t live in today’s world…. that the good old days weren’t good….  well, I’ve lived decades longer than the person who voiced that opinion….. and been through more fucking shite that most people…. There has never, ever been an ideal world throughout history…. but I actually think for all the crap I hear and see around me….. the values I was brought up with, even the lack of choice, and the necessity to stand on my own two feet was a blessing, and not something to be ashamed of. I had very little….and the circle has now been turned…. I have very little again…. for over 40 years I worked my arse off to get stuff….. and wasn’t happy….. I feel I’ve earned my opinion through bleddy experiencing it…. not by assumptions….  I still go by my own thought, that I should never comment [aggressively] on something that I haven’t done or experienced myself….. Sometimes I forget…. as I ain’t fucking perfect…. but I will acknowledge it, and apologise where necessary etc……

During the sojourn into the real world, I had a few very intense and deep conversations….. and what struck me most was that many people spend a lot of time aggressively defending their right to an opinion. Good friends will often agree to differ and move on…. others will get the right fucking hump and piss off…. much the same as social media….. but [for me] it hits home harder in the real world.

There are paradoxes everywhere…you need people around you….but at times you just want to be on your own. You want to have meaningful conversations….but if someone disagrees with you then (apparently) they are no longer meaningful!! We see others in a different way than they see themselves…. that’s a bleddy hard one. We are all totally unique, we may have some things in common, but there can be vast differences in other areas. I have been criticised for living in my past…..but I only use it as a record of my life’s journey…. a reference …. I don’t believe you can ignore it, as it’s what has shaped us. For me it’s a series of lessons I’ve learnt good and bad…. and hope I don’t make the bad mistakes again…. yea right…. some lessons I don’t ever seem to fecking learn…. but that is me….. warts and all!

I have now returned to social media, with a bit more understanding of how to use it in the best way for me…. it means a shitload of different things to everyone else…. but I’m living my life for me….. because I’m the one who counts in my book.

Another thing I will choose to do for myself is not to justify who or what I am…. I have no need….. and what the fuck difference will it make to anyone else?? I am me, I look after myself …. for myself. If asked a question, I will reply….. and hope people will have the courtesy to listen to the answer…. without interrupting, to either attack what I am saying, or going into [an aggressive] defence mode, because they think the answer is a criticism on their opinions…. (as I have found recently)… It’s always good to listen to others, and listen to the whole story as they see it….. then respond. To me, this is the only way to have a reasoned conversation/debate…. a rarity nowadays….. it now appears it’s all about the balance between being defensive or aggressive….. I ain’t joining in that anymore… I ain’t got the need…. I’m keeping it simples…. it works for me.

What every other bugger does is up to them….





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